TOW All the Waiting
by Lindsey2
Summary: oneoff. When phoebe sets her up on her worst date ever, rachel has a hearttoheart with chandler about love and also discovers the real reason why her night was so bad....CR friendship. C&M mush winkwink, R&R?


**: just as a brief reminder, in TOW the Blind Dates, Joey and Phoebe set Rachel and Ross up on their worst dates ever to remind them that they'd had a good thing all those years ago. This is a different spin on that episode, because I think the writers missed out on a huge opportunity with conflicts, misunderstandings ect. Also, it was fun haha reviews welcome! :**

**TOW All the Waiting**

Rachel looked at her watch once again, wishing like hell that the evening could be over. This was, without a doubt, the worst and strangest date she had ever been on.

The man was a mess. What on _earth_ made Phoebe think she could be attracted to a guy like this? He was self-piteous, unhygienic and not at _all _sexy. He also smelled of something that made Rachel wish she had a mask to cover her nose with.

He smelled of…

"Wow, I am _so _hungry," her date grumbled, "I mean, _really _hungry."

Yep. He was stoned. Totally tanked up on weed.

"Um…Steve, I'm sorry, but I need to make another quick phone call." Rachel hurriedly walked away from the table for the second time that night to call Phoebe again.

"Yeah?" Phoebe's voice casually asked through the cell phone.

"Phoebs, you've gotta get me out of here!" Rachel wailed; "you were right about him being stoned. He's completely out of it!"

"Oh come on Rach, you must be having fun a little?"

"Really, _really _not." Rachel snapped.

"Ok, ok, if it's _that_ bad, then just ditch the guy… leave him all alone in that restaurant. Sure, he used to _own _a restaurant and his heart is probably _breaking_ at the _thought _of it but if you're more miserable than he is, just leave him. Leave him alone to think that he's failed on the first date he's had in nearly _eight_ years, leave him to think he's totally _worthless_…leave him to…"

"Alright, ok! That's enough! I'll stay with him!" Rachel shouted. "You really are crazy, you know that?"

"Yeah. My old parole officer told me."

Rachel rolled her eyes and hung up.

* * *

"So…um…silk-screen t-shirts huh?" Rachel asked with false brightness. 

Steve looked at her tearfully. "Yeah…I'm such a loser."

"Oh come on, you didn't _really _want to own a restaurant forever did you?" Rachel asked; "it's great you're doing something so…so _different_."

"Oh who are you kidding? I was once rich, _sorta _attractive in a slobbish kind of way. I had hobbies…_ambition_…now I have nothing." Steve suddenly grabbed Rachel's hand, which startled her. "Or maybe I _do_ have _something_."

Rachel swallowed hard. Surely Steve didn't think that this date was going _well_? She pulled her hand away. "Steve…" she started gently.

Steve lifted his hand up in surrender. "I'm sorry, sorry… _so _sorry!" he burst out. "I went too far. Did I go too far? You must hate me even more now." He leaned his forehead against the table and started to cry.

All around the restaurant heads turned.

Rachel just wanted to die.

Her cell phone began to ring and she hurriedly pulled it out.

"Hello, Phoebs?!"

"Um…_no_…" Chandler's familiar drawl replied.

"Oh, it's you." Rachel sighed. "What do you want Chandler?"

"Nothing! Can't I call my friend to say hello?"

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked suspiciously. "Is it Emma?"

"No No! Emma's fine, Emma's great."

"Chandler, it's ok, she's safe! Joey had her all the time!" Monica's voice screamed in the background.

Rachel widened her eyes. "What does she mean, 'she's safe'?" she demanded, "what happened?"

"Hey now, Rachel, the important thing to think about is that Emma is _safe_," Chandler emphasized.

"You really are incredible." Rachel couldn't help smiling. Chandler just couldn't help being 'Chandler' sometimes and obviously the big emergency was over. "Did you call me to find out if I had Emma by any chance? I hope I'm wrong because _why _would I have her when I asked you to _baby-sit _her?"

"That is a good question with many possible answers."

"I bet there is."

"Hey, Rach, maybe I'm just imagining things but you don't sound too great. Are you having a bad night?"

"Nice change of topic there. Oh no, I'm having so much _fun_. There's nothing I like better than having dinner with a man who is so stoned that he wouldn't notice if I kicked him in the balls!"

"You can if you want," Steve told her, "it's useless anyway."

Chandler laughed down the line. "I heard that. Holding up there ok Rach?"

"Does it _sound _like I am?" she shrieked, walking out of the room towards the entrance doors.

"You want me to come pick you up?"

"No, Phoebe made me feel really bad about the idea of ditching Steve. And she's right, it would be too awful. God, Chandler, he's repulsive. Everyone is staring at us in there…stop laughing!"

"Sorry, it's just that Phoebe really keeps some interesting company, doesn't she? So…you want me to pick you up or not?"

"Yes, ok, Phoebe can deal with him. Just get me out of here!"

* * *

A half hour later, Rachel wrapped her coat around herself and walked outside to meet Chandler. He stood on the sidewalk, laughing fit to kill himself. 

"Stop it." She warned, beginning to walk away from the restaurant.

"I'm trying. Hey, hang on a sec!" Chandler grabbed Rachel's arm and pulled her back. "Show me what he looks like."

"No, no way."

"Oh come on! I came all this way! I _deserve _a glimpse! I've heard enough of the stories from Monica. I want to see the famous Steve."

"He's sitting by the window…right over there…can you see him?"

Chandler looked through the window and a huge grin appeared on his face. "He's fatter than what I thought he would be."

"Yeah…hey wait a minute." Rachel gave Chandler a confused look. "What do you mean by the stories?"

Chandler smiled at her in amusement. "You mean you haven't figured it out yet?"

"What?"

"Don't you remember who _Steve _is?!" Chandler asked in amazement, "I've never even spoken to him and I know!"

"What?!" Rachel asked in exasperation, staring at her date through the window again. "What is it that I'm supposed to know?"

Chandler cleared his throat and, in a strange, lilting voice faced Rachel and said, "slap my arse and call me Judy!"

Rachel arched an eyebrow at him, wondering whether Chandler had finally gone crazy. "Excuse me?"

"oooh! Taco shells!" Chandler continued mock enthusiastically.

Rachel widened her eyes and snapped her head towards the window of the restaurant. "No no no no no." She muttered wildly, "he can't be…can he?"

"I believe Steve was an old acquaintance of Monica's." Chandler's lips twitched as he explained, "worst job interview in the world from what she said."

"I…I just spent an _entire _evening with a guy who once got stoned in Monica's apartment?!" Rachel exclaimed, outraged, "my blind date is the same guy who once called me _greeter _girl?"

Chandler let out a huge laugh and threw his head back with mirth. "I don't remember you girls telling me _that _part!"

"I cannot _believe _it!" Rachel fumed, "why would Phoebe _do _this."

"I did say that she kept some pretty interesting company," Chandler gasped out, still laughing hard.

Rachel grabbed Chandler's shirt and pulled his face close to her. "Shut up!" she hissed.

Chandler grinned at her red face and pulled himself away. "I love it when you get angry." He teased, wrapping his arm around her.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You are such a flirt. Does Monica know you're like this?"

"Yes, but she also knows I'm bad at it." Chandler pointed out, smiling. "I couldn't hook up with a woman like you in a million years."

"Well, that's true." Rachel agreed, walking down the street.

"Hey, I resent that." Chandler ran to catch up with her. "If I wasn't hopelessly in love with Monica I could _so _have you."

"You could 'have' me?" Rachel arched an eyebrow at him as they continued to walk.

"Ho-ho yeah." Chandler nodded and smiled.

"Well, unfortunately for you, Chandler Bing, I wouldn't _let_ you have me."

Chandler stopped and, reluctantly, Rachel stopped too. "So, what if the circumstances were different? If maybe I didn't know either Ross or Monica and _we _had just…met. What would you think then?"

"Well…well…" Rachel stammered, "I don't know. That would be a totally different thing."

"You wouldn't consider going out with me at _all_?" Chandler asked meaningfully, looking at her deeply.

"Well…I…" Rachel stopped and studied Chandler thoughtfully. _Would_ she have dated Chandler if she had got there before Monica? He was good looking enough, she reasoned. He was funny, kind…

"haha!" Chandler stepped back and laughed. "I got you thinking! I'm da man!"

"Oh _please_…we shouldn't even be _having _this conversation!" Rachel exclaimed, walking down the sidewalk quickly. "You're married to Monica, who you love!"

"I'm not disputing that!" Chandler said, smiling. "I was only coming up with a 'what-if' scenario. I got to have a better chance than Steve!"

"Yes, but you're _Chandler_." Rachel reminded him, "I couldn't think of you as anything but a friend. I've known you too long."

"But you chose _Ross_." Chandler reminded her.

"On our good days, Ross was the perfect gentleman," Rachel smirked at Chandler. "He has a quality that you and Joey do not have."

"I seem to remember you all saying _I _had the 'quality'."

"A 'gay' quality Chandler, not a classy one."

"Ooooh! Ross is _classy _now is he?!" Chandler exclaimed. He started to sing down the street. "Ross and Rachel sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"When are you ever going to grow up?"

"Never." Chandler smiled proudly.

"You know what I really _could _kill Phoebe." Rachel grumbled; "if this date never happened, I wouldn't be stuck in the city with you right now. I could pull her hair…maybe cut it a little…"

Chandler smiled at her. "When are _you_ ever going to grow up?" he pointed out, loosely wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they continued walking.

Rachel rolled her eyes and leaned her head slightly against his shoulder. "You're a jerk, but I love you Bing."

"Oh I know." Chandler grinned down at her, "but obviously you don't love me as much as you love Ross."

"What do you mean?" Rachel looked quizzically up at her friend. "I don't love Ross more than you. I like you both just the same."

"I don't mean you love Ross in a _conventional _way," Chandler explained, glaring at her meaningfully, "that's how you love _me_. Nope, you're actually in _love _with Ross. Spit-you-on-the-neck, kick-you-in-the-crotch fantastic love."

"Nope, still not getting it." Rachel stiffened in Chandler's arms and turned away.

"I think you do Rachel." Chandler bought them to a stop and pulled Rachel's face around gently with his hands. "You love Ross like I love Monica, it's just you don't realise it. But other people do. I think you need to talk to Joey and Phoebe."

"Um…what?" Rachel frowned at him.

"Joey told me he set up Ross on a date too…only that the 'date' doesn't actually exist. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I think you need to know."

"Again, what?" Rachel stepped back, eyeing Chandler suspiciously. "What has Joey setting up Ross got to do with me?"

Chandler ran a hand through his hair and looked uncomfortably at Rachel. "Well, it's like this…"

* * *

Phoebe and Joey sat down on the bench in Central Park, both smiling proudly. 

"I just saw Ross go in the coffee house." Joey commented, chuckling, "boy did he look unhappy!"

"Well that's good. And any minute now we should see Rachel trying to ditch Steve." Phoebe replied, giggling. "Then she can reunite with Ross and live happily ever after!"

Joey smiled happily, keeping an eye out across the road for any new developments. What he _did _see was not what he expected.

"Um…Pheebs?"

"Yeah?"

"Was part of the plan for Rachel to be dragging Chandler down the street like an escaped, demented zoo animal?" Joey enquired nervously.

Phoebe followed Joey's gaze and her eyes widened. "She looks…what did you say she looked like?"

"Demented. Word of the day toilet paper."

"I…I see." Phoebe coughed nervously. "She's gone in the coffee house…"

"Yeah. Chandler is standing around looking…worried. They've just seen Ross…"

"…Rachel is _shouting _at Ross now…"

"…Ross is now shouting at Rachel…"

"Chandler still looks worried."

Joey pulled at his collar nervously. "They coming outside." He pointed out.

"Oh my god they've seen us!" Phoebe freaked. "Time for Plan B!"

"Which is?"

"We're going to Mexico!"

* * *

"Phoebe!" Rachel stormed across the road and caught up with the scheming matchmakers. She just couldn't believe any of this was happening. 

"Hey Rachel!" Phoebe greeted with false brightness. "How's it going? Joey and I were just taking a nice little run!"

"I bet you were!" Rachel snapped; "what the hell were you playing at?" Then she pointed at Joey. "And _you_…you're my roommate! I can't believe you planned this right under my nose!"

"We only wanted to make you happy Rachel," Joey said quietly.

Rachel's expression softened and she glanced over at Ross. He looked back at her and shrugged uncomfortably. "You gotta admit even though it was sneaky, it was a really cool plan." He said to her.

Rachel rolled her eyes at him. "Forget it. It isn't happening."

Ross looked wide-eyed at Chandler, who smiled reassuringly at him. "Wait for her to calm down." He whispered; "then talk to her."

"Did you honestly think that this was going to work?" Rachel demanded of Joey and Phoebe.

"Yeah!" Ross put in, "she's right you know!"

Phoebe rolled her eyes at him. "Oh save it. You're _pleased _we did this."

"Come on guys, you two are perfect for each other." Joey added. "We all know it! We just wanted you two to know it as well."

"I told you." Chandler whispered in Rachel's ear.

Rachel glanced at Ross and blushed. He looked down at the ground, not meeting her eyes.

"See? You can't even deny it." Phoebe said softly.

* * *

"Maybe we should leave them now to sort things out," Chandler suggested a couple of minutes later. He started to walk out of the park and beckoned for Joey and Phoebe to join him. "Come on guys, Monica is going to kill me if I don't get back soon. I told her I was getting milk for Emma. If I'd told her the truth, Emma would be on her own in that apartment right now." 

"You mean you left her out of all this excitement?" Phoebe asked in amazement, "she _will _kill you. That's her brother and best friend over there!"

"Yeah, and speaking of 'over there'…" Chandler looked over at Ross and Rachel, "they're having quite a deep chat, what you think?"

"I think there's going to be some sex tonight." Joey said aloud, a sincere expression on his face. He caught the look on his friends' faces. "What?"

Chandler groaned and shook his head. "Nothing Joe, except that you're probably right. Monica wants it too."

"Ovulating?" Phoebe grinned slyly.

"Until tomorrow. It's going to be a _long_ night. Not that I'm complaining."

"Don't think they will be either." Joey grinned over at Ross and Rachel, who were in a close embrace.

"Kiss him girl! Kiss him!" Phoebe whispered frantically. The three watched impatiently.

"Ewww…I don't wanna see that!" Joey turned away in disgust.

"The rate they're going, they're not going to make it out of the park!" Chandler looked impressed. "I didn't know Ross had it in him."

"Oh he does." Phoebe confirmed.

Joey and Chandler looked at her in shock.

"How the hell would you know that?" Joey demanded. "Have you _slept _with Ross?"

"Well…almost. I'd almost forgotten about it until Janice asked us if any of us had been intimate. It got me thinking."

"Let's not go there." Chandler said quickly, thinking about how he'd hit on Rachel at the bar.

Rachel was right. They _had _been friends for too long. Chandler thought back to that day in the bar and the idea of him hitting on her all those years ago made him want to laugh. His _real _soul mate had been standing right by the pool table, wanting to beat the crap out of him at pool.

Why had it taken him so long to realise he loved Monica so much?

Then again, maybe waiting was better. It certainly made the heart grow fonder. Rachel certainly didn't have feelings for Ross when she'd first met him, it was only when she'd got to know him did she realise that he was perfect for her. It was the same for Chandler, though he knew now that Monica had a crush on _him_.

"Seriously, guys, can we walk away from those two?" Joey whined now.

"Yeah…yeah of course." Chandler snapped out of his train of thought, suddenly feeling a desperate need to be near his wife tonight.

"Are you ok?" Phoebe looked at Chandler closely, "you look all…doe-eyed." She smiled. "Aww...have those two got under your skin?"

"Sorta." Chandler replied simply. "It's made me realise something, that's all."

"What?"

"That it's never too late to find your soul mate. If you wait long enough, you'll find him or her. That's what Rachel and Ross have got, and what I've got with Monica."

"Oh my _god_, what has happened to you?" Joey asked in mock horror.

* * *

Chandler walked quietly into the apartment, and to no surprise whatsoever, found Monica standing in the middle of the room looking absolutely furious. 

"Where have you _been_?" she freaked, "you've been gone for over two hours. And where's the milk?"

"Forget the milk." Chandler replied, walking over and wrapping his arms around her. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" he asked softly, beginning to kiss her neck.

"Yes and I love you too." Monica whispered, her anger immediately evaporating as she began to enjoy Chandler's affections. She smiled. "This doesn't get you off the hook. Where have you been all night?"

"I'll tell you later." Chandler murmured as he began to undo the buttons on her shirt. "Are you still…ovulating?" He smiled sexily at her.

Monica began to undo Chandler's pants. "Maybe,"

"Always good," Chandler lifted Monica into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

**The End**


End file.
